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1. Bringing the Captain Up to Date . . . . .2. My Strongest Suit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3. Hook Meets the Singing Crab
4. One Night in Bangkok . . . . . . . . . . . . 5. Just an Ordinary Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6. A Letter Home . . . . . . . . . .
7. Cabin Fever . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...8. What's This Cheery Singing All About? . ..9. For the Gals . . . . . . . . . . . .
10. Grease Medley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11. I Want to Sing and Dance . . . . . . . . . . .12. Blondes in Neverland . . . .
13. Zee Crabcake Mash . . . . . . . . . . . . 14. The FanGirl Song . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15. Neverland Rhapsody . . . .

Hook's Wench
(aka. Tracy Pierce)

"Bringing the captain up to date a little . . ."

HOOK:
(glancing around as he and Tracy stand on a street corner) I find this incomprehensible.

TRACY:
What?

HOOK:
(gesturing around) All this in little under a century!

TRACY:
Oh . . . yeah, I guess it *is* pretty amazing.

HOOK:
But how did all this happen?

TRACY:
What, you want a five-minute recap on the twentieth century?

HOOK:
(glares)

TRACY:
Sheesh, sorry! Well . . . actually, this might help . . . (cranks up stereo)

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray,
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio,

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television,
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe . . .

HOOK:
(blinks)

TRACY:
Hold up, that was just the forties and early fifties . . .

Rosenbergs, H-Bomb, Sugar Ray, Parmunjom,
Brando, "The King And I," and "The Catcher In The Rye."

Eisenhower, Vaccine, England's got a new queen --

HOOK:
What?!

Marciano, Liberace, Stantayana goodbye!

We didn't start the fire,
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire,
No we didn't light it ,
But we tried to fight it . . .

Joesph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev,
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron,
Dien Bien Phu Falls, "Rock Around The Clock."

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan --

HOOK:
ERK!!!

-- Elvis Presley, Disneyland,

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev,
Princess Grace, "Peyton Place," Trouble in the Suez!

We didn't start the fire,
It was always burning.
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire,
No we didn't light it,
But we tried to fight it . . .

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac,
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, "Bridge On The River Kwai,"

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball,
Starkweather, Homicide, Children of Thalidomide . . .

HOOK:
What in --

TRACY:
Not even in the 60's yet, just wait.

Buddy Holly, "Ben Hur," Space Monkey, Mafia,
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go,

U-2, Syngman Rhee, Payola and Kennedy,
Chubby Checker, "Psycho," Belgians in the Congo!

We didn't start the fire,
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire,
No we didn't light it,
But we tried to fight it . . .

Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger In A Strange Land,"
Dylan, Berlin, Bay Of Pigs Invasion,

"Lawrence Of Arabia," British Beatlemania --

HOOK:
(raises eyebrow)

Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson,

Pope Paul, Malcom X, British Politician Sex --

HOOK:
(stiffens noticably)

J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say?

We didn't start the fire,
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire,
No we didn't light it,
But we tried to fight it . . .

Birth Control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again,
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, Punk Rock,
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline,
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan,

"Wheel Of Fortune," Sally Ride, Heavy Metal, Suicide,
Foreign debts, Homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz,
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law,
Rock and Roller Cola Wars --

HOOK:
I can't take it anymore!!!

We didn't start the fire,
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning on us.
We didn't start the fire,
But when we are gone,
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on . . .

We didn't start the fire,
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning,
We didn't start the fire,
No we didn't light it,
But we tried to fight it . . .

We didn't start the fire,
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning,
We didn't start the fire,
No we didn't light it,
But we tried to fight it . . .

HOOK:
(stares at Tracy like she's from another planet)

TRACY:
What?

HOOK:
Might you kindly direct me to a reliable history book?

TRACY:
Er . . . yeah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My Strongest Suit"
(starring Aero, Maegie, and Alex)

ALL:
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (oh oh)
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!

AERO:
Now I believe in looking
Like my time on earth is cooking,
Whether polka-dotted, striped or even checked!

MAEGIE:
With some glamour guaranteeing
Every fibre of my being
Is displayed to quite remarkable effect!

ALEX:
From your cradle via trousseau
To your death bed you're on view, so
Never compromise accept no substitute!

AERO:
I would rather wear a barrel
Than conservative apparel
Because dress has always been my strongest suit!

ALL:
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (oh oh)
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!

ALEX:
Staying in or hitting townwards,
From the top and working downwards,
I ensure that every stitch is stitched in time!

MAEGIE:
Whether wig or hat or turban,
Whether clog, boudoir, or urban,
Not to strut your stuff outrageously's a crime!

AERO:
And the few who are invited
To my wardrobe are delighted
As they wander through my things to find en route . . .

ALEX:
That in negligée or formal,
I am anything but normal,
Because dress has always been my strongest suit!

ALL:
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (oh oh)
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (ooh) (oh oh)
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!

MAEGIE:
Now you don't need a recital
Of the reasons why it's vital
That tonight my trappings will not be subdued!

ALEX:
That from coronet to sandal,
No one else is worth a candle
That I couldn't make more impact in the nude!

AERO:
So bring me all my finest,
Most audacious, my divinest,
Most revealing, most expensive and to boot . . .

MAEGIE:
. . . Most arresting, most heart-stopping,
Most free-flowing, most eye-popping
Because dress has always been my strongest suit!

ALL:
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (woo)
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (ooh) (oh oh)
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!

Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (ooh) (oh oh)

(MAEGIE:
My dress has always been, my dress has always been . . .)

Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!

(AERO: My dress has always been my strongest suit!)

Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (ooh) (oh oh)

(ALEX: My strongest suit!)

Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!

Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere, (ooh) (oh oh)

(AERO: Strongest suit!)
(ALEX: Strongest suit!)
Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere!

(MAEGIE: My dress has always been my strongest suit!)

Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere . . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Hook meets the singing crab . . ."
(Picture James and Alex in the longboat alone on the lagoon . . . *dreamy sigh*)

There you see her,
Sitting there across the way,
She don’t got a lot to say,
But there’s something about her.
And you don’t know why,
But you’re dying to try,
You wanna kiss the girl.

Yes, you want her,
Look at her, you know you do.
It’s possible she wants you, too;
There is one way to ask her.
It don’t take a word,
Not a single word,
Go on and kiss the girl.

(They start to lean forward, but James backs away at the last second.)

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
My, oh, my,
Look at the boy too shy,
He ain’t gonna kiss the girl.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Ain’t that sad,
Ain’t it shame, too bad,
You gonna miss the girl.

Now’s your moment,
Floating in a blue lagoon.
Boy, you better do it soon,
No time will be better.
She don’t say a word,
And she won’t say a word,
Until you kiss the girl.

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t be scared,
You got the mood prepared,
Go on and kiss the girl.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Don’t stop now,
Don’t try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl.
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Float along,
Listen to the song,
The song say kiss the girl!
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Music play,
Do what the music say,
You wanna kiss the girl!

(They lean close again.)

You’ve got to kiss the girl . . .
Why don’t you kiss the girl . . .

(closer and closer . . .)

You gotta kiss the girl . . .

(closer . . .)
Go on and kiss the girl . . .

(Suddenly the boat tips over. As James and Alex sputter to the surface, two mermaids swim away laughing.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"One Night in Bangkok"

STARKEY:
Bangkok, Oriental setting,
And the city don't know that the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner!

HOOK:
Time flies -- doesn't seem a minute
Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it!
All change -- don't you know that when you
Play at this level, there's no ordinary venue!

ALEX:
It's Iceland . . . or the Philippines . . . or Hastings . . . or . . .

JUKES:
Or this place!

CREW:
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster!
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free.
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
And if you're lucky then the god's a she!
I can feel an angel sliding up to me!

STARKEY:
One town's very like another
When your head's down over your pieces, brother!

CREW:
It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
To be looking at the board, not looking at the city!

STARKEY:
Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town . . .

CREW:
Tea, girls, warm, sweet, sweet --
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite!

STARKEY:
Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest!

HOOK:
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine!

CREW:
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble.
Not much between despair and ecstasy!
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble.
Can't be too careful with your company;
I can feel the devil walking next to me!

HOOK:
Siam's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness.
This grips me more than would a
Muddy old river or reclining Buddha!

JUKES:
And thank God I'm only watching the game, controlling it!

STARKEY:
I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating!

HOOK:
I'd let you watch, I would invite you,
But the queens we use would not excite you.

ALEX:
So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlours . . .

CREW:
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster!
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free.
You'll find a god in every golden cloister,
A little flesh, a little history . . .
I can feel an angel sliding up to me!

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble!
Not much between despair and ecstasy.
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble!
Can't be too careful with your company . . .
I can feel the devil walking next to me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Just an Ordinary Man"

HOOK:
Well, after all, Mr. Smee,
I'm an ordinary man,
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance
To live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants.

STARKEY:
An average man am I, of no eccentric whim,
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
Doing whatever he thinks is best, for him,
Well . . . just an ordinary man.

MULLINS:
BUT . . .
Let a woman in your life,
And your serenity is through!

STARKEY:
She'll redecorate your home,
From the cellar to the dome,
And then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you!

HOOK:
Let a woman in your life,
And you're up against a wall!
Make a plan and you will find,
That she has something else in mind,
And so rather than do either,
You do something else that neither likes at all!

STARKEY:
You want to talk of Keats and Milton,
She only wants to talk of love!

HOOK:
You go to see a play or ballet,
And spend it searching for her glove!

MULLINS:
Let a woman in your life,
And you invite eternal strife!
Let them buy their wedding bands for those anxious little hands . . .
I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let a woman in my life!

HOOK:
I'm a very gentle man,
Even tempered and good natured,
Who you never hear complain.

STARKEY:
Who has the milk of human kindness
By the quart in every vein.

MASON:
A patient man am I, down to my fingertips,
The sort who never could, ever would,
Let an insulting remark escape his lips.

HOOK:
A very gentle man . . .

MULLINS:
BUT!
Let a woman in your life,
And patience hasn't got a chance!

STARKEY:
She will beg you for advice,
Your reply will be concise,
And she will listen very nicely,
And then go out and do exactly what she wants!!!

JUKES:
You are a man of grace and polish,
Who never spoke above a hush.

SMEE:
Now all at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush! (gets a few odd stares)

MULLINS:
Let a woman in your life,
And you're plunging in a knife!

STARKEY:
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks.

HOOK:
I prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life!

COOKSON:
I'm a quiet leeving man,
Who prefers to spend zee evening in zee silence of hees room,
Who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undeescovered tomb.

HOOK:
A pensive man am I, of philosophical joys,
Who likes to meditate, contemplate,
Far from humanity's mad inhuman noise . . .
A quiet living man.

STARKEY:
But, let a woman in your life,
And your sabbatical is through!

MULLINS:
In a line that never ends comes an army of her friends,
Come to jabber and to chatter and to tell her what the Matter is with YOU!

MASON:
She'll have a booming boisterous family,
Who will descend on you en mass!

COOKSON:
She'll have a large wagnarian mother,
Weeth a voice that shatter glass!

HOOK:
Let a woman in your life . . .

STARKEY:
Let a woman in your life . . .

MULLINS:
Let a woman in your life?!

ALL:
I shall never let a woman in my life!

(The Pirates' Cove girls all walk past in shorts, tank tops, etc.)

HOOK:
. . . damn.

Polaris Starz


A Letter Home
by Wendy Darling

Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah
This is Wendy, your only daughter
Neverland is... entertaining
It's a lot more fun than England when it's raining!

There's some boys named Nibs and Slightly
They just led pirates into poison ivy
The Lost Boys raced, and Peter's the winner
But now I have to cook a victory dinner

The boys are all pirate haters
And we all run from crocs and 'gators
The pirate captain is no sissy
He quotes from things like Shakespeare and Ulysses

Now there's no reason for this to scare ya
Here there's no fevers or malaria
There's just pirates fighting Lost Boys
And the Twins blowing up their toys

How is home, oh Muddah, Fadduh
What's going on at home, Muddah Fadduh
We went hiking in the forest where
Peter saved us from being eaten by a bear
It's almost home-- we play with toys and I clean up after boys
How long it's been, it's hard to say
I get captured by pirates every other day

Dearest Fadduh, darling muddah
Now don't worry 'bout my brothers
John and Michael just went missing
But they muttered something about 'fishing'

Wait a minute, someone's wailing
If the lagoon is where they're sailing
They must have been caught by some mermaids
Muddah, fadduh, 'scuse me while I go to their aid!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was bound to happen sooner or later...

It appears to be very hot aboard the Jolly Roger. The crew are slumped in various positions; Jukes, for instance, is trying to sit in the shade of Long Tom (it isn't working . . .

Mason
I think we're beginnin' ta see things...

(The horizon has gone wavy with the heat. All of a sudden, Starkey jumps up.)

Starkey
I've got Cabin Fever!

Smee
I've got it too!

Jukes
I got Cabin Fever
It's burning in my brain

Mullins
I've got cabin fever
It's driving me insane!

Jukes, Mullins, Starkey
We got Cabin Fever
We're flipping our bandanas
Been at sea so long that
We have simply gone bananas

(Mexican music starts play. The pirates are suddenly dressed in... Mexican outfits... (OOC: If you've seen the movie you know what they look like!) )

All
We got Cabin Fever
We've lost what sense we had
We got Cabin Fever
And we're all going mad!

Jukes
((suddenly dressed in hillbilly clothes and playing a fiddle))
Grab your partner by the ears
Lash him to the wheel
Do-si-do, step on his toe ((stomps on Starkey's foot))
Listen to him squeal
Allemande left, allemande right
It's time to sail or sink
Swing your partner over the side
Drop him in the drink

(Mullins and Mason send Starkey and Smee flying)

Smee and Starkey
We've got cabin fever
No if's, and's, or but's
We're disoriented
And demented
And a little nuts!

All but Smee
We were sailing, sailing
The wind was on our side

Smee
(in a creaky voice) And then it died

Cookson
Ey've got Cabin Fever
I zink I lost me greep

Jukes
I'd like to get my hands on
Whoever wrote this script!

Starkey
(in a dress and playing a banjo) I was floating 'neath a tropic moon
And dreaming of a blue lagoon
Now I'm as crazy as a loon!

All
Cabin Fever has ravaged all aboard
This once proud vessel has become a floating psycho ward
We were sailing, sailing, headed who knows where
And now, though we're all here
We're not all there!

(music ends, pirates strike various poses)

All
CABIN FEVER!

Hook
(from his cabin) Will you cut that out, you lazy lummoxes?

(The pirates all cough, blink. The wind suddenly resumes.)

Mullins
What was that?

Mason
I hope nobody saw us...

Serendipity HQ


"What's This Cheery Singing All About?"

Scene- Early Afternoon, the Jolly Roger.
The Pirates are hanging out, swabing decks, buckling swashes, shivering timbers, and getting ready to set sail for open water.

Pirates
When the course is laid and the anchor's weighed
A sailor's blood begins racing
With our hearts unbound and our flag unfurled
We're under way and off to see the world

Mason
Under way and off to see the world

Pirates
Hey ho we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing

Jukes (lets go of the sail rope to flex a muscle)
Manly men are weeee...!
(goes flying as the sail drops again, taking him with it)

Pirates
Sailing for adventure on the deep blue sea

Hook (catches Billy and dumps him back on the deck)
Safely now, Mr. Jukes
Let's not get sloppy just because we're singing

Pirates
Danger walks the deck we say what the heck
We laugh at the perils we're facing

Starkey
Every storm we ride is it's own reward!

Starkey and Smee
And people die by falling overboard

(Starkey gestures wide, knocking Smee over the barrier into the water. The pirates gather at the edge to watch)

Pirates
People die by falling overboard!

Hey ho we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing
Hoist the sails and sing

Cookson
Sailing for adventure on zee big blue wet thing

(Mullins, Hook, and Mason gather by the mast)

Mullins (pretends to tear up)
I love to see 'em cry when they walk the plank

Hook (brandishes hook)
I prefer to cut a throat

Mason (pantomies a hanging)
I love to hang 'em high and watch their little
feet try to walk in the air while their faces turn blue

(Billy stares in thinly veiled disgust.)

All Three
Just kidding! It's a good life on a boat

Pirates & Crew
Hey ho we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing

Maegie ( staring at the singing, dancing pirates)
Should have took a train...

Pirates
Sailing for adventure on the bounding main

Hook
The stars will be our compass
Wherever we may roam
And our mates will always be
Just like a family
And though we may put into port the sea is always home

Pirates
We'll chase our dreams standing on our own
Over the horizon to the great unknown

Hey ho we'll go
Anywhere the wind is blowing
Bold and brave and free
Sailing for adventure

Maegie
It's so nauseating

Pirates
Sailing for adventure

Billy
So exhilarating

Pirates
Sailing for adventure

Mason and Starkey (toast with overflowing glasses of grog)
We're all celebrating!

Pirates
On the deep blue sea!

(Big ol' noise-maker and confetti finale, complete with the pirates hanging off various parts of the rigging. It takes a moment for them to realize what they just did but...)

Mullins
Eaaagh! There's EVIL in it! (yanks a still humming Billy off the rigging)

Hook
This has gone too far. Everyone back to your duties!

Billy
But the singing Captain...

Hook
If we hear any inspirational power chords we'll just... lay down until they go away. Now get working!

Scene- The Jolly Roger, Late afternoon. The pirates, slightly more wary, are going about their buisness. Buckles don't swash themselves afterall.

Starkey
Pan off the port bow!

Hook
Ah, yes, thank you Mr. Starkey.

(Everyone waits for venhement swearing and ranting from Hook, none comes. Mullins whispers something suspiciously similar to 'There's evil in it!')

Billy
Should I...er...ready the cannons?

Hook
That won't be nessecary. I extended a perfectly civil invitation. It's be ungentlemanly to fire on him.

(Jaws drop with utter amazment)

Pan
Hoy, Codfish! (lands a safe distence away from Hook, the lost boys following suit) So what's the problem Hook? Everything looks ship shape to me! (bu du bump)

Hook
We seem to be having some trouble with...Spontaneous song and dance numbers...

Pan
You too? We thought you were causing it!

Mullins
S'not us. We thought it was you.

Billy
But if they say it's not them...and it's definatly not us...what is it?

(cue Music)

Mullins
I've got a theory
That it's a demon
A dancing demon!

Hook
No, something isn't right there.

Billy
I’ve got a theory
Some kid is dreaming
And we're all stuck inside
His wacky Disney nightmare!

(Slightly emphasises his friend's point by spirit-fingering)

Maegie
I’ve got a theory we should work this out

Billy
It's getting eerie...

All
What's this cheery
Singing all about?

Mullins (warding off the girls on the ship with a finger cross)
It could be witches!
Some evil witches,

(Billy quickly jumps between the girls and the in-serious-chance-of-bodily-harm Mullins

Billy ( very fast)
Which is ridiculous
'Cause witches,
They were persecuted
Women good
And love the earth
And you're in power,
And I’ll be over here

Tootles
I’ve got a theory
It could be bunnies
[crickets chirp]

Nibs
I’ve got a--

Mullins (getting into it)
Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes

Tootles
They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses
And what's with all the carrots?

Mullins
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?

Both
Bunnies, bunnies
It must be bunnies

(The lost boys and Pirates stare in silence)

Mullins
Or maybe midgets?

Starkey
I’ve got a theory,
We should work this fast

Maegie and Billy
Because it clearly
Could get serious
Before it's passed

Wendy
I’ve got a theory
It doesn't matter
What can't we face if we're together?
What's in this place that we can't weather?

Slightly
Apocalypse
We've all been there
The same old trips
Why should we care?

All
What can't we do if we get in it?
We'll work it through within a minute
We have to try
We'll pay the price
It's do or die
So we'll play nice

What can't we face

Maegie
What can't we face?

All
If we're together?
What's in this place
That we can't weather?

Maegie
We're together

All
There's nothing we can't face

Tootles
Except for bunnies...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Jukesette

"For the Gals"

JUKESETTE: Cook and clean! That's all I'm good around here for!

MULLINS: Quit your mumbling, wench and pass me the whiskey!

JUKESETTE: *throws the towel off her shoulder*

MULLINS: Did ye get my whiskey?! *yelling now*

JUKESETTE *walks to Mullins with a sour look and a tune starts to play*

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't ya think you know exactly were I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand

Cause I'm just a girl, Little 'Ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... I've had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things
I hold so dear
'Cause it's all the little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl
I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night
I'm just a girl
Guess I'm some kind of freak
Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes
I'm just a girl
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh... am I making myself clear?

I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world....
That's all that you'll let me be!

I'm just a girl
Living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've surcummed to
Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to here!

JUKESETTE: *Throws the whiskey barrel off the starboard side and says* You can swim! Get it yourself!

MULLINS: -_-;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Grease Medley"

HOOK: Summer loving had me a blast!

ALEX: Summer loving happened so fast!

HOOK: I met a girl crazy for me!

ALEX: Met a boy, cute as can be!

BOTH: Summer days drifting away, oh those summer nights

CREW & MASON: Tell me more, tell me more did you get very far?

GIRLS & SABA: Tell me more, tell me more like does he have a car?

HOOK: She ran by me, she had a gash!

ALEX: He ran by me, got my cut dressed!

HOOK: I saved her life, she nearly drowned!

ALEX: He showed off, ordering around!

BOTH: Summer sun, something has begun, but oh those summer nights

GIRLS & BJ: Tell me more, tell me more, Was it love at first sight?

CREW & MULLINS: Tell me more, tell me more, Did she put up a fight?

HOOK: Took her bowling in the Arcade!

ALEX: We went strolling, drank lemonade!

HOOK: We made out under the deck!

ALEX: We stayed out till 12 O' Clock!

BOTH: Summer fling! Don't mean a thing, but oh those summer nights!

CREW & STARKEY: Tell me more, tell me more,
But you don't have to brag!

GIRLS & QUERY: Tell me more, tell me more,
Cause he sounds like a drag!

ALEX: He got friendly holding my hand!

HOOK: But she got friendly down in the sand!

ALEX: He was sweet, just turned 18! (UM I KNOW, I KNOW! BUT YOU TRY RHYMING "MEAN" WITH 50)

HOOK: She was good, if you know what I mean?

BOTH: Summer heat, boy and girl meet, but oh those summer nights!

GIRLS & AERO: Tell me more, tell me more, How much dough did he spend?

CREW & BILLY: Tell me more, tell me more, Could she get me a friend?

ALEX: It turned colder, that's where it ends!

HOOK: So I told her we'd still be friends!

ALEX: Then we made our true love vow!

HOOK: Wonder what she's doing now!

BOTH: Summer dreams, ripped at the seams,
but oh, those summer (HIGH VOICES)NIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*ALEX COMES OUT OF THE CABIN IN HER NEW CLOTHES HOOK HAS GIVEN HER*

HOOK: Alexandra!? You're beautiful!

ALEX: Tell me about it stud!

HOOK: I got chills they're multiplying
And I'm losing control
Cause the power you're supplying
It's Electrifying!

*'LEX TURNS TO THE GIRLS AND THEY ARE TELL HER TO MOVE HER BODY*

ALEX: You better shape up cause I need a man
And my heart is set on you
You better shape up, you better understand
To my heart I must be true

BOTH: You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

ALEX: If you feel the wave affection
Your to shy to convey
Meditate in my direction
Feel your way

HOOK & ALEX: I better shape up, cause you need a man (I need a man)
Who can keep me satisfied
I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove (you better prove)
That my faith is justified
Are you sure? Yes I'm sure deep down inside

BOTH: You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
You're the one that I want ho ho ho honey
The one that I need oh yes indeed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TRACY: *PUTS ON BLONDE WIG* Miss Goody-Two-Shoes makes me want to barf! *TURNS AROUND*

TRACY: Look at me I'm Alex Dee
Lousy with virginity
Won't go to bed till I'm legally wed
I can't I'm Alex Dee

Watch it! Ya I'm Doris Day
I was not brought up that way
Won't come across even Rock Hudson lost
GIRLS: His heart to Doris Day

I don't drink I swear
GIRLS: "NO, NO"
I don't rat my hair
GIRLS: "EWWW"
I get ill from one cigarette
GIRLS: "COUGHING"
Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers
Would you pull that crap with Annette?

As for you Old Barbecue
I know what you wanna do
You've got your crust I'm no object of lust
GIRLS: I'm just plain Alex Dee

GIRLS: *LAUGHING*

Elvis, Elvis, let me be
Keep that pelvis far from me
Just keep your cool now your starting to drool

Hey, Fungoo, I'm Alex Dee

GIRLS: *STOP LAUGHING AND MOTION IN ALEX'S DIRECTION*

ALEX: Are you making fun of me?!

TRACY: *TAKES OFF WIG* Some people are so touchy!

Minako


"I Want to Sing and Dance"

CREW (sings): Sixteen men on a dead mans chest! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

HOOK: Avast there mates! Yer sailing with Captain Jas. Hook! Surge of the Spanish Main and all of Neverland. Blood thirstiest black horned pirate captain who ever sailed the seven seas. Har! What say you we hoist the Jolly Roger, heel on over to yonder Spanish Galleon, lay a few broad sides, swing over there on these here lanyards with our cutlasses in our teeth, cut them to ribbons and split the booty! What say you to that me hearties?

(CREW CHEERS)

JUKES (to self): Wait… what Spanish Galleon?

STARKEY: I don’t like it…

HOOK: You don’t “like” it?

STARKEY: I don’t like it and I don’t want to do it. It’s tacky… and don’t look at me that way.

HOOK: Well then, Gentleman Starkey, if you don’t like it, then what do you want?

(CUE MUSIC)

STARKEY: I want to sing and dance, I want to sing and dance!
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance.
Wear me silver buckle slippers and me tight shinny pants,
I want to sing and dance!

HOOK: You want to sing and dance?! Well you don’t like plundering, eh? Shiver me timbers, how about treasuring? Rubies and emeralds, pearls and gold deblungs. British soveriens, silver chalices encrusted with diamonds and jewels. Necklaces and bracelets of every shape and size fit for the crown heads of Europe. And all in a treasure chest that “I” just happen to know where. How about that me blood thirsty buckos?

STARKEY: I don’t like it.

HOOK: Gall and brimstone! You don’t like it?

STARKEY: I don’t like it and I don’t want it.

HOOK: He don’t want it.

STARKEY: And I won’t do it… I’m an ar-tist.

HOOK: An ar-tist. Well Mr. Ar-tist, what do you want?

(CUE MUSIC)

STARKEY: I want to sing and dance, I want to sing and dance!
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance.
Wear me silver buckle slippers and me tight shinny pants,
I want to sing and dance!

HOOK: Now listen here! This ain’t no floating Gilbert and Sullivan show for some little flinting Tinkerbell. This be a black horned pirate ship. And I would have you keel hauled if this weren’t the only pirate crew in all of Neverland. So you don’t like plundering eh?

STARKEY: I don’t like it.

HOOK: And you don’t want no treasuring?

STARKEY: I don’t want it.

HOOK: And you probably don’t want no groging, and wenching, and rumming either I suppose.

STARKEY: Well deep down, you want to know the truth? It’s not me, I don’t want it.

HOOK: Well what do you want you scurvy sea dog? (As if I didn’t already know)

STARKEY: I want to sing and dance…

HOOK: I know, I know! And wear your tight little shinny pants. All right then, we’ll all sing and dance!

CREW: WHAT?!?

HOOK: Or you’ll walk the plank.

CREW: ....

HOOK: That’s what I thought… 1, 2, 3…

(CUE MUSIC)

CREW: I want to sing and dance, I want to sing and dance!
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance.

STARKEY: Good show old man! I like it!

HOOK: I kind of like it me self!

STARKEY: I thought you would.

CREW: I want to sing and dance!
Sixteen men on a dead mans chest.
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum…

STARKEY: I don’t like rum.

HOOK: I’m not surprised.

STARKEY: Actually I might like a little perie’ … with a little lime in it.

HOOK: He wants a lime in it.

STARKEY: Well do you have any escargot?

HOOK: What?

STARKEY: It’s the soup of the day.

HOOK: Soup?

STARKEY: I might have a bit of a salad too.

HOOK: Well how about a bleeding finger bowl!

STARKEY: Maybe a croissant…

HOOK: Odds, bobs, hammer and tongs!

Saba Li Anks

"Blondes in Neverland"

Mermaid
Because I'm blonde, I don't have to think
I talk like a baby, and I never pay for drinks
Don't have to worry about gettin' a Pan
If I keep this blonde, and I keep these tan (flaunts chest)

All
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah

Frau Brumhandel
I see people vorkin', it just makes me giggle
'Cause I don't have to vork, I just have to jiggle!

All
'Cause I'm blonde, B-L-O-N-D
'Cause I'm a blonde, don't you wish you were me?

Girl in the Moon
I never learned to read and I never learned to cook
Why should I bother when I look like I look?
I know lots of people are smarter than me
But I have this philosophy:

All
So what?
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah

Vanessa Devane
I see girls without dates, and I feel so sorry for 'em
'Cause whenever I'm around, all the men ignore 'em

All
'Cause I'm blonde, nyah nyah nyah
'Cause I'm a blonde, nyah nyah nyah

Mermaid
They say to make it you need talent and ambition
Well I got a TV show and this was my audition
Um okay, what was it okay um, dont tell me oh yeah okay
Duck, Peter, duck!

All
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah

Frau Brumhandel
I took an IQ test and I flunked it of course
I can't spell VW but I got a Porsche

All
'Cause I'm a blonde, B-L-O-N-D
'Cause I'm a blonde, dont you wish you were me?

Girl in the Moon
I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is, like, a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at Neverschool, but my goal is to become a veterinarian, 'cause I love children.

All
'Cause I'm a blond, yeah yeah yeah
'Cause we're a blond, yeah yeah yeah

Vanessa Devane
Girls think I'm snotty and maybe its true
With my hair and body, you would be too!

All
'Cause I'm a blonde, B-L... I don't know!
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah yeah
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah yeah YEAH!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Zee Crabcake Mash"

*sound of water bubbling and various cooking utensils clanking*

Cookson:
I vas vorkin in zee galley
late one night . . .
when me eyes beheld an eerie sight!
for zee crab meat in zee stew began to rise
An suddenly, to my surprise

Starkey and Smee:
It did the Mash!

Cookson:
Eet did zee Crabcake Mash!

Mason and Short Tom:
It did the Mash!

Cookson:
Eet was a main deck smash!

Billy and Mullins:
It did the Mash!

Cookson:
Eet caught on in a flash

Mermaids:
It did the Mash!

Cookson:
Eet did zee Crabcake Mash!

From zee Mermaid's Rock to zee feeshy streams
To zee Weretree forest, where zee victims scream,
Zee Lost Boys came from all over zee place
To torment zee crew, but when zey saw zee crabcakes --

Billy and Mason:
They did the Mash!

Cookson:
Zey did zee Crabcake Mash!

Nibs and Peter:
We did the Mash!

Cookson:
Eet vas a main deck smash!

Wendy and Tink:
They did the Mash!

Cookson:
Eet caught on een a flash!

The Twins:
We did-
The Mash!

Cookson:
Zey did zee Crabcake Mash!

Out from hees cabin, Hook's voice did ring
Seems he vas troubled by just one thing
He opened zee door and shook hees claw, and said--

Hook:
Belay that RACKET, YOU CHATTERING MACKAW!

Peter:
But it's the Mash!

Cookson:
Aye, it's zee Crabcake Mash!

Hook:
Balderdash!
I'll turn you all to hash!!!

Peter:
Into hash?

Slightly:
Well that's slightly brash.

Cookson:
You no like mash?

Hook: (opens mouth to yell, then reconsiders)
Well maybe just a dash . . .

Cookson:
Now everyzing's cool, Hook's part of zee band
And me Crabcake Mash ees zee hit of Neverland!

Starkey:(to the audience)
I hope this didn't traumatize, or frighten you

Cookson:
Eyyyy! Whysa there nobody in view?
*shrugs*
ONE MORE TIME!!!

(everyone stares at him and blinks. Billy pokes crabcakes with a fork)

Billy:
It's not doing the Mash anymore. I think it's dead.

Cookson:
Oh . . . oh vell. Dinner ees served!

Crew: (deadpan tones)
Yaaaay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'The Fangirl Song'

Alex
It's late at night; I am curled up in my room
The T.V. light fills my heart like a balloon
I hold it in as best I can
I know I'm just another fan
But I can't help feeling I could
Love this hunk'a burnin' man
And I can't...

Wait any more for him to discover me
I got it bad for Captain Hook honey
Captain Hook honey, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

Maegie, Eve, Jukesette, & Query
My friends all tell me,
"Girl, you know it's just a show,"
But deep within his eyes
I see me wrapped up like a bow
Watching the sea for a sign
The Jolly Roger's on my mind
I'm waiting for the day
When my lucky stars align
In the form of...

Billy Jukes honey, floating above me
In the magical light of the great ship of love, I need
Billy Jukes honey, hovering above me
Romanian gunner, brooding and comely
Billy Jukes, honey, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me?

Alex
So smooth and so smart
He's abducted my heart

Maegie, Eve, Jukesette, & Query
And I'm falling apart
From the looks I receive
From those eyes I can't leave

All
And you may say I'm naive
But Pan told me to belieeeeeeve...

Claire
My bags are packed, I am ready for my flight
Want to put an end to my daydream days and sleepless nights
Sitting like a mindless doll
Wishing Wisp would hear my call
Just to learn to fly and make my way to Neverlaaaaaaand

And I would say...

Wisp Lynre honey, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?

Alex & Earthy
Captain Hook, honey, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?

Maegie, Eve, Jukesette, & Query
Billy Jukes, honey, want you to love me
To kiss and to hug me, delight and not bug me

Claire
Wisp Lynre, honey, I know you could love me
I'm sweet and I'm cuddly -

Mermaids
We're gonna kill Wendy!

Alex & Earthy
Captain Hook, honey, why won't you love me?
Why won't you love me? Why won't you love me?

Yeah...

I'll be waiting...
In Neverland ...

Zirge Katt

'Neverland Rhapsody'

Hook (to Peter, who’s in shackles)
At last, your time has come

(looks to crew with an evil smile)
Send shivers down my spine, I’ve finally won this time

(looks back to Peter)
Goodbye, Peter Pan, you’ve got to go

I’m going to drop you in the drink to Davy Jones

Peter (with arrogance - of course, imagine that!)
Codfish, no, I’m not gonna die

Hook (grumbling)
Oh, how I wish I never crossed your path at all!

Peter (cocky little @*$#! - but I still love ‘em!)
But Captain Hook, what fun would there be for me, for me, for me?

(Peter just laughs, now Hook’s fuming at him)

Hook
So do you think you can mock me and cut off my hand?
That my vengence won’t have me hunt you on land?
No, Peter
(brandishes hook)
You who did this to me, young twerp

Peter (tsking at Hook mockingly, still being a s$*t!)
Oh, now Captain Hook, now Captain Hook, it was all just a game

Hook (right in Peter’s face, who’s still smirking at him.)
No ones going to save you, No one will at all
No ones going to save you
And I get to watch your final fall

(The crew drag the lost boys above deck, all in shackles as well. All say as one.)
Here are the rest, sir.

(Curly to Nibs, as Curly looks at his shackles)
Well, here we go, caught by his crew again.

(Nibs replies, pulling on the chains)
I can’t believe they’re getting better, these are Hook’s men?

Hook (to the boys)
Shut your yaps!

(Drags Peter to the plank and forces him to look over the side)
Look down and see your doom.

Peter (now being melodramatic, puts an arm over his face and throws his head back.)
I’m just a poor boy, gonna die in misery.
Walk the plank, hit the drink, poor poor me
(Gives Hook a mischievous grin from under his arm)
This should be fun

Hook (rubs his temples in irritation)
Blast you Peter Pan, you won’t deny me victory....not me.

Mullins, bring those brats about
I want them to see this, see their wretched leader meet his doom.
After, they’ll join him down below, and we’ll celebrate in true pirate style.
Peter, oooo, this will be your last goodbye, and I’m not going to miss hearing your damn-blasted crow.

Peter (waves his hand back and forth at Hook)
Carry on, carry on ‘cuz nothing’s ever gonna change

Jukes (now to Peter)
No Pan, your time has come

Slightly
I slightly don’t like this. Is Hook actually gonna win?

Hook and his crew
Goodbye Peter Pan, It’s time you go
Gonna drop you in the drink, down to Davy Jones

Peter (stands next to the plank with his hands on his hips)
Hook, now, I’m not gonna die. You can’t get rid of me no matter how hard you try

(Frustrated with the boy’s arrogance, Hook decides to use another part of his plan hoping
it’ll get Peter to give up. Yeah, right. Starkey and Mullins appear with Wendy, John and
Michael, also shackled. Hook looks smugly at Peter. Mullins goes on, gripping Wendy
by her arms and pushing her onto the plank)
I have a little silhouetto of a girl

Starkey, Mason, Jukes, and Smee
Peter Pan, Peter Pan, there’s no way now you can save her
Shackle chains and weight balls keep you from flying, hah!

(Wendy pleading)
Captain Hook, Captain Hook

(Hook answering)
Mistress Wendy, Mistress Wendy

(Wendy again)
Let us go, please let us go

Hook and his crew
No, No, No

Peter
I’m just a poor boy, my mother forgot me.

The lost boys
We’re all just lost boys, we have no family

Wendy
Spare us our lives and please let us go free

Peter (*still* being cocky, - no really?!- waving his hand back and forth)
Easy come, easy go. Will you let us go?

Hook and his men
Gall’n Brimstone, NO we will not let you go

Peter, Wendy and all the lost boys
Let us go!

Gall’n Brimstone, we will not let you go!

Let us go!

Gall’n Brimstone, we will not let you go!

Let us go!

Will not let you go!

Let us go!

Will not let you go!

Let us go! go, go, go, go, go

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Tootles
Oh, Mother Wendy, Mother Wendy, Mother Wendy, what’ll we do

(Tink comes flying in with a key. Nibs sees her and answers )
Tinker Bell has the key and soon she’ll free us, just wait you’ll see.

Tink frees Peter who quickly begins to distract Hook and the crew.
She then frees all the others in turn as they help Peter distract the pirates.
A brief fight occurs and Peter and the lost boys declare victory over Hook and his men
and they fly away to the underground house.
Hook scowls and yells as they all fly away.

(Wallowing in his defeat, Hook runs his hand down his face)
Why must this always happen, again I face defeat
Why must this always happen, that brat getting the better of me.

Some day Pan, some day